Smile!

So its been ages - eons, almost - that I've written a blog post, so I apologize for the wait! Please excuse the disorganized nature of this post - I'm rusty!

It's the last day of 2010 and what a year it has been! I think that it is safe to say that it has been the most exciting and enjoyable year of my life (so far, as long as I don't get nuked by an invading robot species)! Obviously, there are ups and downs, but everything is just a part of the experience!

When I look back on the year, I just smile!

For 2011, I've given myself a few resolutions! Why don't we pull a Dr. Phil and analyze each one?!

"Doctur Fill's Rez-uh-loo-shun Remedees"

Resolution #1: Stop swearing (or, at least, swear less), which sort of means that I should complain less. Right? In my world, neither can exist without the other. What a fucked up world I live in...

Those of you who know me understand that there are times when I turn into a brain-demented slimeball who swears like a pirate, or an angry Italian with road rage. I can imagine that neither of those scenarios are beneficial to myself or to all the creatures around me. Humans put on their invisible earplugs in order to drown out my incessant rambling and animals run away from me as if I was a dangerous hunter, seeking to wrap myself in their hides.

Unfortunately, not all animals are able to escape from my hunting skills:

She needs a life insurance policy. Thanks L. Mo!

Resolution #2: Be a little more straight-forward in how I speak. Life is like a country road: driving straight is the best course. Wait, not really... On second thought, that would be bad. You could crash or something. Well, I'm Asian, so my driving skills would probably make me crash a car at some point in my life. That was a terrible analogy.

Another problem of mine is that I can be very "political" in how I respond to other people. In other words, I take as long as I can to get the answer to any question. For example, someone might ask me, "What is 2 + 2 equal to?" Being a retarded fool, I'd say, "Well, it depends what you mean by 'two.' Are we speaking of the numerical two or are we referring to a non-numerical two, such as too and to. Whatever the case, use a freakin' calculator, genius!"


I could have just said "four," but I'm simply weird. If you cannot understand what the hell I'm talking about, we'll use this blue elephant for example. To you, it might be a blue elephant. To me... well, it's still a blue elephant, but it would take me ten minutes to get there.

So the next time I see a blue elephant, rather than ransacking my mind for memories that make me look like an acid-spitting child-eating monster...

... I'll just say, "Hey! It's a blue elephant!"


Resolution #3: Give back. Instead of harvesting brains or capturing souls, I will start giving back to whoever I can: the community, the school, and those who are close to me! For some, though, it might already be too late...

Yeah, I'd like to be a little more participatory (what kind of freakin' word is that?) everywhere I go, especially in terms of volunteering, supporting and just giving back to everyone and everything. I was planning on making this an Easter promise or whatever, but I decided that I should just do it now! Besides, Easter is for eating those delicious chocolate bunnies:

As I wrap up this post, there's a few people (or creatures) that I would like to thank for this awesome year:

• To the Great Burger, for being my mentor and master!
• To my Team of Misfits, for being so damn good!
• To my Super-Duper Department of Demented Dudes and Dudettes, for making everyday an exciting and enjoyable one, especially through those long-ass rehearsals!
• To the Bird Lady, the Muppets and the Bright One, for giving me great advice and support when I finally hit rock bottom.
• To the Home Team, for simply being there!
• To the Siblings-Who-Aren't-Really-Siblings, for making me smile, even though neither of you probably never realized it!
• To the Readers of this blog,  for putting up with my idiotic antics and listening to me complain about the stupidest things.

Happy New Year!

Brain Fart

So I apologize for the lack of posts lately. I've been a busy bee as of late! I'll try to get back on track, especially as more and more things happen!

Anyways, this past week was one hell of a roller coaster ride; lots of stress, but lots of successes as well!

The improv club had our first show this week, and boy was it sick! The few days of practices leading up to it were hectic and stressful, and planning the damn thing was just as bad, but it paid off!

For much of this entire week, I had no brain whatsoever.

Before the show on Thursday, I was a wreck - a wreck that was magnified exponentially each and every day that led to the show. It was clear to those that knew me at school that my anxiety was out of control. I was totally off during rehearsal, my attention in class would drift, and I would sometimes transform into a giant ape under a full moon and reap destruction across the land.

Indeed, I was not myself:

Weird thing is, I was stressing over the fact that we have a fairly small improv team - not as numerous as last year's, or the year before. That was dumb of me, because I realized after the show that this team was all I needed for a very successful show, and everyone could participate even more! I only created that anxiety for myself, something I did not need to do - let alone have a reason for it. I like our numbers, but any new additions are welcome! Everyone really stepped up and they made the show a success! From submarines to "Rosebud" and Mr. Muscles, everything worked out absolutely stupendously! I could not be any happier! I'd need a couch to express my joy and excitement!

The rehearsals for The Scottish Play were the same! My anxiety came out during the rehearsals, and I did worse and worse as we went on. Haha, it's even worse when my anxiety gets called out, because I would have to explain it so people don't worry about me - yet they still do! Why do humans have souls?!!

So yeah, I pretty much crashed and burned during three of my four rehearsals. Honestly, I spent four hours trying to memorize a page and a half of lines and I could not do it! It clearly showed during rehearsal when I asked for a line - every line - during that scene. I felt like a planet would be destroyed every time I messed up or asked for a line.

Once the show was done, however, it took me all of fifteen minutes to do just that. Fifteen minutes.

Fuck you, anxiety! (And Grand Moff Tarkin; I had a summer home on Alderaan)

During the last rehearsal of the week, all my stress was mostly gone and I strongly believe that I destroyed during this rehearsal. I'm not being a braggart or anything, but I felt that it was my most successful one yet. I was lucky enough to do a lot of screaming, so it was a very cathartic experience.

Yelling is very cathartic - just ask Blueboy. You should all do it sometime! It's like crack, not that I know the sensation of such a thing...

And all my worry and stress was all gone by Saturday, when I knew that Best Friend was doing alright as well! This was even clearer when we got back to our routine of highly unusual conversations. (Best Friend teaching me about the significance of conditioner, the types of screamo, the ridiculousness of pompadours on certain beings whom we neither cannot tolerate, etc, etc.)

Everything turned out well, and I'm happy!

Oh, and I also tasted some of Cole's grandmother's maple fudge (And God knows how much I love maple fudge). I tried it, and I exploded from the sheer euphoria of the flavours. It was simply the best maple fudge I've ever had. Ever.

Paula Deen ain't got nothing on this shit, y'all.

Kicking Dogs

So it has been a month (I think) since all the stuff began for the play, and this week's rehearsals were pretty damn interesting!

Firstly, I had to slap, shove and threaten poor Skylar in rehearsal as part of Macker's demented decline into insanity. Let me be the first to tell you: it was not fun! It makes you feel like a slime ball - a slime ball that beats up the most innocent of creatures and feeds on their suffering. In other words, you join the Tea Party.

Not really, but it's like kicking a poor puppy!

As one of my favorite people on Earth, Skylar probably didn't expect it coming from me. Heh, neither did I; believe me, the worst I thought I was going to do was grab him by his shirt and glare at him!

Mind you, my calculation skills are flawed, as I told Amputienne (Jane) that my character would only yell and intimidate her... 

I put a  knife to her throat.

Though Skylar did mention after rehearsal that if my character tried to kill his character, he said (in his own awesome and adorable way) that he would annihilate me with his dagger. Guaranteed. No joke.

And he probably would.

Also, this person who some know as "Asshole" was actually surprising good when he read Shakespeare! I was pleasantly surprised, because he's got a very strong and commanding voice that grabs your attention. I will no longer doubt your judgement, Fair Empress! Remember, "It's not the size of the asshole, it's about the shit that comes out," and so far, the shit from this asshole has been alright. I'm hoping to see how Blueboy and Amputienne will put up with him; I wonder who will snap first if anything happens?

Normally, I'd insert a picture that relates to that, but since I'm wary about placing an image of an asshole (or looking one up), I'll use the closest substitute:

Goodness, I have a lot of anti-conservative rhetoric in this post!

Also, I spent some time with L.Mo after school today to kill some time as I waited for the horror that is Calgary Transit. We decided to go ahead into the drama room to work on my wonderful throne! Due to some miscommunication between Mac and I, those impressive horns now have holes through them. Sad face!

But the most I got out of that time was our plan to dominate the world with our evil. Since we are both fairly passive aggressive, we can both transform into iguanas and devour everyone - like Tyra Banks. Yes, Tyra Banks turned into an iguana.

In such terrestrial forms, we can overpower the goverments of this world and establish a new world order! We will eliminate all forms of hotel soap, and cast it into a flaming pit of tortured souls. Then, we shall resurrect the dinosaurs ('cause who doesn't want that?) and create a syndicated talk show with these creatures. But no shrews! I don't tolerate such beings.

L.Mo and I are demented.

Anyways, that wraps up this post. I'm sorry that it is not as substantial as the previous ones, but I'll work on it!

On a different note, I hope someone starts taking pictures of rehearsals and shit. WE MUST NOT LOSE SUCH MEMORIES!

A Hefty Challenge

So Helen Mirren practically kicks major ass if she's holding a weapon. You should all go watch Red and giggle like a school girl when she unleashes hell. It's too sick to leave alone!

Speaking of sick, I'm not feeling so cool today, thanks to a behemoth of a shawarma. It was a shawarma from Jimmy's A&A Deli here in Calgary. I was foretold that a large shawarma was more than a meal, but my curiosity got the better of me and I took that very order. Suffice it to say, I was fairly surprised that a large shawarma was the size of a baby. Fat ass-ness x 100.

Actually, it was practically a baby. Yes. It was a baby. Here's a picture of this monster:

I didn't take the picture, nor are those my hands, but that is the shawarma in question. Mind you that it's full size cannot be comprehended in this picture. This thing is so frakkin' packed that beneath the paper bag is not more shawarma. Rather, it is a whole meat processing factory with a field full of chickens as well. All of this is tied together with clogged arteries and dipped in liquid heart disease.

Anyways, I was planning on eating a portion of it and taking home the rest. That was the plan, until Mac said that the band teacher could only finish half of it. Naturally, the testosterone flowing through my system was demanding that I surpass him and finish the damn thing. I put on my game face and I went to town...

Game face, boys. Game face.

I thought I could handle it, but this dish was putting up a fight. I had gone past the realm of 'meat sweats' and I simply started oozing grease and fat. You could throw me into a pool and call it an oil spill. Halfway through, I felt incredibly vile and repulsive and I turned into a different creature altogether. According to the eyewitnesses of this heinous act, I began to act in a demeanor that was opposite of my usual self. Instead of clean and picky, I became unmannered and filthy. Instead of logical and intellectual, I became delirious and incompetent.

I had turned into Gary Busey.

With the sliver of sanity that I had left, I pressed forward, determined to knock down this Berlin Wall of food. I called upon the armies of the globe (my brain) and together, we roared for a final attack.

Though it was a monstrosity, I was able to slay it in order to save my manhood from personal disappointment. The following captures the exact moment that I was able to conquer this food-beast.

As you can see, I took the celestial form of St. George and I impaled the very heart of the shawarma with my Lance of Culinary Superiority. The mighty stallion that is with me is actually the twin of Shadowfax, lord of the horses and Gandalf's personal steed. His name is Carfax, and I made sure he was returned to the dealership that I borrowed him from.

This battle came with some heavy costs. Soon after this ordeal, I suffered a piercing headache, ahead of a titration lab in chemistry class. Luckily, I had a Medic as my partner and I recovered some of my lost hit points thanks to his advice.

I decided to rest for a bit in the drama room before embarking on my journey home, but an alumni friend of mine was there. She talked me into leaving with her and escorting her to her own bus, which tacked on another thirty minutes to my often-two-hour combined transit ride home. God bless Fresh, but holy hell does she like to talk! I was practically minding her no attention as she mentioned various scholarships and job opportunities and so forth. I felt horrible that I was probably replying with head-nods and incoherent blabbering, but I was so delirious that I didn't care! Honestly, this was the only thing that I pictured in my head:

The bus ride home was pure hell. I missed the bus leaving the train station, and I had to wait an extra forty minutes for the next bus because it came in late. On a good day, it takes me forty minutes to get home from the station, but 'good days' don't exist. Frakkin' traffic held us back for a good twenty minutes while I say on the bus staring at the script that I'm supposed to memorize. Mind you, I was extremely dehydrated at this time and I resorted to extracting as much saliva as I could and gulping it down like a fucking black hole. When I finally got home, I filled up a pitcher of water and I chugged down as much as I could handle. Water never tasted so good.

As the evening progressed, however, my stomach did not feel full, yet it was still very unhappy with me. It felt almost as if it could no longer produce acid to digest the sheer amount of shawarma-dragon that I had ingested. As the sun set, twitches and sporadic spasms came from my stomach area. They caused no pain, yet I feared that I was going to explode into a heap of flesh, fat and pita bread. Hoping that some sleep would help get rid of this, I turned in early and I enjoyed a good night's rest.

BUT WHAT THE FRAK? The twitches continued in the morning, albeit not as much as the day before. I tried a second purge, but there was no food matter in my stomach. I ran around in circles wondering about what I should do.

So I decided to fight fire with fire.

I jacked a frozen pizza from the freezer and baked it, almost devouring the whole thing alongside four glasses of water.

It worked.

Oh God it worked!

No more stomach retardation issues! I had succeeded! I felt like a little child on Christmas Day! Gone was the haunting of this fallen shawarma-dragon!

I still have this piercing headache, but I'm sure it'll be gone soon. It is almost as if Helen Mirren took a machine pistol and annihilated the shawarma-dragon's curse to oblivion:

Note to self: never take on a food challenge like that again.

So say we all.

Time Enough at Last!

So Stage Wife challenged some individuals to compile a list of fifteen books in fifteen minutes that would stay with them for a long time.

Firstly, I'm not a bookworm myself. I don't have the ability to converse in any meaningful or intellectual conversation that centers around books and such. When I hear "book", I see this:

Yup. Books and I go together like Paris Hilton and Mensa.

Well, not to that extreme, as I have had some things that I have read that are important to me! Here is that fabled list:

1. Mandela's Way: Fifteen Lessons on Life, Love, and Courage - Richard Stengel
• Read this book. I'm different person because of this book. I can't talk about this enough. You'll just have to read it yourself.
2. Usborne Illustrated Encyclopedia of the 20th Century - Usborne Books
• Hahaha! I know, it's not a novel, but this book was the spark of my curiosity. Honestly, without it, I would not have the brain power I have today.
3. The Giver - Lois Lowry
• I Love...
4. Number the Stars - Lois Lowry
• ...Lois...
5. Gathering Blue - Lois Lowry
• ....Lowry.... and her books, of course! Those three were awesome, with Number the Stars as my personal favorite.
6. The Devil of Nanking - Mo Hayder
• Oh boy, this book can make anyone's dark side giggle with delight - like a fat man at the Deep-Fry-Anything stand at the county fair.
7. The Kennedy Curse - Edward Klein
• I follow the Kennedy's like a fanatic! This novel is not only a cool insight into the family, but it also points out a famous curse that flows among them.
8. Mr. Popper's Penguins - Richard & Florence Atwater
• My childhood revolved around this book. I simply loved it! In addition, this book was the reason that I really started to love animals, especially marine life (and penguins, of course!). Little known fact: I've always wanted to own a pet penguin.
9. Freedom From Fear - Aung San Suu Kyi
• Inspiration at a whole different level! I adore Daw Suu Kyi and her peaceful work, and I've been following her for years. I only try to make her traits important in my life! 
10. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - J.K. Rowling
• I love these books, and a massive magic battle will stay in the factory of dwarves in my head that I call my 'imagination' for a long time.
11. King Lear - William Shakespeare
• First Shakespearean text that I read, and it's a damn good one! Would have put Macbeth in here as well, but the story of King Lear is just sooooo epic!
12. The Art of War - Sun Tzu
• I know! It's a military book, but some of these tactics can be put into real life! Life is a battle anyways, right? Helps you put up with a bunch of people, too! ;)
13. Charlotte's Web - E.B. White
• I will never forget my grade 3 teacher reading this out loud in class and bursting into a pool of tears while she read Charlotte's death (oops, spoiler). No, she literally erupted into a giant puddle of salty liquid soul. 
14. Lord of the Rings - J.R.R Tolkein
• It's Lord of the Rings, what can I say?
15. The Missing Piece - Shel Siverstein
• Oh, this book. Truly a book that I have modeled my life around. I love this book.

I guess it's safe to say that books are good for you. Take a look at what books have done in history:

• An army of books were responsible for the Berlin Wall
• The Vatican is actually a giant pop-out book, ages 3 and up (Oh I know, distasteful, but I'm sick in the head and I needed some cheap laughs :P )
• Books can survive nuclear holocausts. Proven fact! (Look up the title of this post)
• The Yellow Brick Road was not made of brick, it was made of phone books. (Still a book :P )
• Nuclear weapons are being gradually replaced by copies of Sarah Palin's book, Going Rogue
• Books can eliminate the existence of such terrible programming such as Jersey Shore 
• McDonald's uses old Stephen King books for their McBurger Patties, McNuggets, McFlurries, and all the other McShit that comes out of that McHell Hole. Have some fun with your McHeart Attack!
• Books did not have sexual relations with that woman!
• The Red Sea was parted by a wall of books
• Chuck Norris reads books (or books read Chuck Norris, whatever floats your boat)

Well, maybe it's good to read books?

Yeah, read some books.

King of Wishful Thinking

So this blog got a shout out during class today! The picture in this post was used for Mac's lecture-theory thing that she loves to do. Good job, blog!

Basically, the picture represents what we know and not know. The written stuff is what we know, while the empty spaces on the board hold the details that we should explore. Cool stuff, eh?

Speaking of cool stuff, my favorite artist/musician/actor/whatever as of late, Matt Doyle, used an awesome site called Kickstarter to help start up his first EP album! Honestly, I'm extremely excited! I love all the music that he makes, and frankly, I'm getting tired of ripping his concert clips from Youtube to put into my iPod! He made a goal of raising $8,500 and he met this on the first day! There's still 29 more days to go to raise more money, and I've already chipped in. The guy deserves it, so good on him! I hope everything works out well for the fellow! He's got a very remarkable backstory as well, and you can check out his blog here or donate to the project here.

That's enough advertising for one post! On another note, today finished up what was the first week of rehearsal for The Scottish Play. Tons of fun! Swords, songs, witches, oh my! No one has had a limb cut off yet, but seriously, it's looking pretty cool so far!

Butoh

I love the stuff that's being done with the witches! It's some kind of Japanese thing called 'butoh' and its absolutely creepy, especially after today's showing of it! It's some creepy exorcist shit. That, or it looks like a bad case of arthritis. Too good!

Caro and I also wielded our weapons, and its absolutely hilarious watching her work with one! Calling it her 'third leg', watching her use it sometimes is sort of like watching a newborn baby fawn struggling to stand up! Hahaha, just kidding, but someone really needs to get her a shorter weapon!

Of course, Stage Wife and I should get rid of any awkwardness so we can do better for our affectionate scenes, but I'm sure we'll do fine! Hell, we should just stop avoiding it altogether, 'cause then it's way easier for Blueboy and Caro to point fun at it! Maybe we should have Ross and Banquo make out?

Awkward

Improv was quite successful today, in my opinion! The warm-up worked fairly well, and a lot of people were involved. The 'One Voice' game was absolutely brilliant, though! Though poor Sky got lost after a bit, his opening question to our five-headed Jedi made me laugh like a madman. Practically, he asked the question in broken Yoda English, and I totally was not expecting it! It was brilliant! All the other games were very successful as well! I hope all those new folks come back, cause they were great! And I will probably never do any kind of high-pitched primal scream ever again.

I must start memorizing my lines, but I must make sure that I don't end up being insane from overexerting myself! I don't want to end up being like Gary Busey. Never. No Gary Busey for me.

How repulsive.