Brain Fart

So I apologize for the lack of posts lately. I've been a busy bee as of late! I'll try to get back on track, especially as more and more things happen!

Anyways, this past week was one hell of a roller coaster ride; lots of stress, but lots of successes as well!

The improv club had our first show this week, and boy was it sick! The few days of practices leading up to it were hectic and stressful, and planning the damn thing was just as bad, but it paid off!

For much of this entire week, I had no brain whatsoever.

Before the show on Thursday, I was a wreck - a wreck that was magnified exponentially each and every day that led to the show. It was clear to those that knew me at school that my anxiety was out of control. I was totally off during rehearsal, my attention in class would drift, and I would sometimes transform into a giant ape under a full moon and reap destruction across the land.

Indeed, I was not myself:

Weird thing is, I was stressing over the fact that we have a fairly small improv team - not as numerous as last year's, or the year before. That was dumb of me, because I realized after the show that this team was all I needed for a very successful show, and everyone could participate even more! I only created that anxiety for myself, something I did not need to do - let alone have a reason for it. I like our numbers, but any new additions are welcome! Everyone really stepped up and they made the show a success! From submarines to "Rosebud" and Mr. Muscles, everything worked out absolutely stupendously! I could not be any happier! I'd need a couch to express my joy and excitement!

The rehearsals for The Scottish Play were the same! My anxiety came out during the rehearsals, and I did worse and worse as we went on. Haha, it's even worse when my anxiety gets called out, because I would have to explain it so people don't worry about me - yet they still do! Why do humans have souls?!!

So yeah, I pretty much crashed and burned during three of my four rehearsals. Honestly, I spent four hours trying to memorize a page and a half of lines and I could not do it! It clearly showed during rehearsal when I asked for a line - every line - during that scene. I felt like a planet would be destroyed every time I messed up or asked for a line.

Once the show was done, however, it took me all of fifteen minutes to do just that. Fifteen minutes.

Fuck you, anxiety! (And Grand Moff Tarkin; I had a summer home on Alderaan)

During the last rehearsal of the week, all my stress was mostly gone and I strongly believe that I destroyed during this rehearsal. I'm not being a braggart or anything, but I felt that it was my most successful one yet. I was lucky enough to do a lot of screaming, so it was a very cathartic experience.

Yelling is very cathartic - just ask Blueboy. You should all do it sometime! It's like crack, not that I know the sensation of such a thing...

And all my worry and stress was all gone by Saturday, when I knew that Best Friend was doing alright as well! This was even clearer when we got back to our routine of highly unusual conversations. (Best Friend teaching me about the significance of conditioner, the types of screamo, the ridiculousness of pompadours on certain beings whom we neither cannot tolerate, etc, etc.)

Everything turned out well, and I'm happy!

Oh, and I also tasted some of Cole's grandmother's maple fudge (And God knows how much I love maple fudge). I tried it, and I exploded from the sheer euphoria of the flavours. It was simply the best maple fudge I've ever had. Ever.

Paula Deen ain't got nothing on this shit, y'all.

Kicking Dogs

So it has been a month (I think) since all the stuff began for the play, and this week's rehearsals were pretty damn interesting!

Firstly, I had to slap, shove and threaten poor Skylar in rehearsal as part of Macker's demented decline into insanity. Let me be the first to tell you: it was not fun! It makes you feel like a slime ball - a slime ball that beats up the most innocent of creatures and feeds on their suffering. In other words, you join the Tea Party.

Not really, but it's like kicking a poor puppy!

As one of my favorite people on Earth, Skylar probably didn't expect it coming from me. Heh, neither did I; believe me, the worst I thought I was going to do was grab him by his shirt and glare at him!

Mind you, my calculation skills are flawed, as I told Amputienne (Jane) that my character would only yell and intimidate her... 

I put a  knife to her throat.

Though Skylar did mention after rehearsal that if my character tried to kill his character, he said (in his own awesome and adorable way) that he would annihilate me with his dagger. Guaranteed. No joke.

And he probably would.

Also, this person who some know as "Asshole" was actually surprising good when he read Shakespeare! I was pleasantly surprised, because he's got a very strong and commanding voice that grabs your attention. I will no longer doubt your judgement, Fair Empress! Remember, "It's not the size of the asshole, it's about the shit that comes out," and so far, the shit from this asshole has been alright. I'm hoping to see how Blueboy and Amputienne will put up with him; I wonder who will snap first if anything happens?

Normally, I'd insert a picture that relates to that, but since I'm wary about placing an image of an asshole (or looking one up), I'll use the closest substitute:

Goodness, I have a lot of anti-conservative rhetoric in this post!

Also, I spent some time with L.Mo after school today to kill some time as I waited for the horror that is Calgary Transit. We decided to go ahead into the drama room to work on my wonderful throne! Due to some miscommunication between Mac and I, those impressive horns now have holes through them. Sad face!

But the most I got out of that time was our plan to dominate the world with our evil. Since we are both fairly passive aggressive, we can both transform into iguanas and devour everyone - like Tyra Banks. Yes, Tyra Banks turned into an iguana.

In such terrestrial forms, we can overpower the goverments of this world and establish a new world order! We will eliminate all forms of hotel soap, and cast it into a flaming pit of tortured souls. Then, we shall resurrect the dinosaurs ('cause who doesn't want that?) and create a syndicated talk show with these creatures. But no shrews! I don't tolerate such beings.

L.Mo and I are demented.

Anyways, that wraps up this post. I'm sorry that it is not as substantial as the previous ones, but I'll work on it!

On a different note, I hope someone starts taking pictures of rehearsals and shit. WE MUST NOT LOSE SUCH MEMORIES!

A Hefty Challenge

So Helen Mirren practically kicks major ass if she's holding a weapon. You should all go watch Red and giggle like a school girl when she unleashes hell. It's too sick to leave alone!

Speaking of sick, I'm not feeling so cool today, thanks to a behemoth of a shawarma. It was a shawarma from Jimmy's A&A Deli here in Calgary. I was foretold that a large shawarma was more than a meal, but my curiosity got the better of me and I took that very order. Suffice it to say, I was fairly surprised that a large shawarma was the size of a baby. Fat ass-ness x 100.

Actually, it was practically a baby. Yes. It was a baby. Here's a picture of this monster:

I didn't take the picture, nor are those my hands, but that is the shawarma in question. Mind you that it's full size cannot be comprehended in this picture. This thing is so frakkin' packed that beneath the paper bag is not more shawarma. Rather, it is a whole meat processing factory with a field full of chickens as well. All of this is tied together with clogged arteries and dipped in liquid heart disease.

Anyways, I was planning on eating a portion of it and taking home the rest. That was the plan, until Mac said that the band teacher could only finish half of it. Naturally, the testosterone flowing through my system was demanding that I surpass him and finish the damn thing. I put on my game face and I went to town...

Game face, boys. Game face.

I thought I could handle it, but this dish was putting up a fight. I had gone past the realm of 'meat sweats' and I simply started oozing grease and fat. You could throw me into a pool and call it an oil spill. Halfway through, I felt incredibly vile and repulsive and I turned into a different creature altogether. According to the eyewitnesses of this heinous act, I began to act in a demeanor that was opposite of my usual self. Instead of clean and picky, I became unmannered and filthy. Instead of logical and intellectual, I became delirious and incompetent.

I had turned into Gary Busey.

With the sliver of sanity that I had left, I pressed forward, determined to knock down this Berlin Wall of food. I called upon the armies of the globe (my brain) and together, we roared for a final attack.

Though it was a monstrosity, I was able to slay it in order to save my manhood from personal disappointment. The following captures the exact moment that I was able to conquer this food-beast.

As you can see, I took the celestial form of St. George and I impaled the very heart of the shawarma with my Lance of Culinary Superiority. The mighty stallion that is with me is actually the twin of Shadowfax, lord of the horses and Gandalf's personal steed. His name is Carfax, and I made sure he was returned to the dealership that I borrowed him from.

This battle came with some heavy costs. Soon after this ordeal, I suffered a piercing headache, ahead of a titration lab in chemistry class. Luckily, I had a Medic as my partner and I recovered some of my lost hit points thanks to his advice.

I decided to rest for a bit in the drama room before embarking on my journey home, but an alumni friend of mine was there. She talked me into leaving with her and escorting her to her own bus, which tacked on another thirty minutes to my often-two-hour combined transit ride home. God bless Fresh, but holy hell does she like to talk! I was practically minding her no attention as she mentioned various scholarships and job opportunities and so forth. I felt horrible that I was probably replying with head-nods and incoherent blabbering, but I was so delirious that I didn't care! Honestly, this was the only thing that I pictured in my head:

The bus ride home was pure hell. I missed the bus leaving the train station, and I had to wait an extra forty minutes for the next bus because it came in late. On a good day, it takes me forty minutes to get home from the station, but 'good days' don't exist. Frakkin' traffic held us back for a good twenty minutes while I say on the bus staring at the script that I'm supposed to memorize. Mind you, I was extremely dehydrated at this time and I resorted to extracting as much saliva as I could and gulping it down like a fucking black hole. When I finally got home, I filled up a pitcher of water and I chugged down as much as I could handle. Water never tasted so good.

As the evening progressed, however, my stomach did not feel full, yet it was still very unhappy with me. It felt almost as if it could no longer produce acid to digest the sheer amount of shawarma-dragon that I had ingested. As the sun set, twitches and sporadic spasms came from my stomach area. They caused no pain, yet I feared that I was going to explode into a heap of flesh, fat and pita bread. Hoping that some sleep would help get rid of this, I turned in early and I enjoyed a good night's rest.

BUT WHAT THE FRAK? The twitches continued in the morning, albeit not as much as the day before. I tried a second purge, but there was no food matter in my stomach. I ran around in circles wondering about what I should do.

So I decided to fight fire with fire.

I jacked a frozen pizza from the freezer and baked it, almost devouring the whole thing alongside four glasses of water.

It worked.

Oh God it worked!

No more stomach retardation issues! I had succeeded! I felt like a little child on Christmas Day! Gone was the haunting of this fallen shawarma-dragon!

I still have this piercing headache, but I'm sure it'll be gone soon. It is almost as if Helen Mirren took a machine pistol and annihilated the shawarma-dragon's curse to oblivion:

Note to self: never take on a food challenge like that again.

So say we all.

Time Enough at Last!

So Stage Wife challenged some individuals to compile a list of fifteen books in fifteen minutes that would stay with them for a long time.

Firstly, I'm not a bookworm myself. I don't have the ability to converse in any meaningful or intellectual conversation that centers around books and such. When I hear "book", I see this:

Yup. Books and I go together like Paris Hilton and Mensa.

Well, not to that extreme, as I have had some things that I have read that are important to me! Here is that fabled list:

1. Mandela's Way: Fifteen Lessons on Life, Love, and Courage - Richard Stengel
• Read this book. I'm different person because of this book. I can't talk about this enough. You'll just have to read it yourself.
2. Usborne Illustrated Encyclopedia of the 20th Century - Usborne Books
• Hahaha! I know, it's not a novel, but this book was the spark of my curiosity. Honestly, without it, I would not have the brain power I have today.
3. The Giver - Lois Lowry
• I Love...
4. Number the Stars - Lois Lowry
• ...Lois...
5. Gathering Blue - Lois Lowry
• ....Lowry.... and her books, of course! Those three were awesome, with Number the Stars as my personal favorite.
6. The Devil of Nanking - Mo Hayder
• Oh boy, this book can make anyone's dark side giggle with delight - like a fat man at the Deep-Fry-Anything stand at the county fair.
7. The Kennedy Curse - Edward Klein
• I follow the Kennedy's like a fanatic! This novel is not only a cool insight into the family, but it also points out a famous curse that flows among them.
8. Mr. Popper's Penguins - Richard & Florence Atwater
• My childhood revolved around this book. I simply loved it! In addition, this book was the reason that I really started to love animals, especially marine life (and penguins, of course!). Little known fact: I've always wanted to own a pet penguin.
9. Freedom From Fear - Aung San Suu Kyi
• Inspiration at a whole different level! I adore Daw Suu Kyi and her peaceful work, and I've been following her for years. I only try to make her traits important in my life! 
10. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - J.K. Rowling
• I love these books, and a massive magic battle will stay in the factory of dwarves in my head that I call my 'imagination' for a long time.
11. King Lear - William Shakespeare
• First Shakespearean text that I read, and it's a damn good one! Would have put Macbeth in here as well, but the story of King Lear is just sooooo epic!
12. The Art of War - Sun Tzu
• I know! It's a military book, but some of these tactics can be put into real life! Life is a battle anyways, right? Helps you put up with a bunch of people, too! ;)
13. Charlotte's Web - E.B. White
• I will never forget my grade 3 teacher reading this out loud in class and bursting into a pool of tears while she read Charlotte's death (oops, spoiler). No, she literally erupted into a giant puddle of salty liquid soul. 
14. Lord of the Rings - J.R.R Tolkein
• It's Lord of the Rings, what can I say?
15. The Missing Piece - Shel Siverstein
• Oh, this book. Truly a book that I have modeled my life around. I love this book.

I guess it's safe to say that books are good for you. Take a look at what books have done in history:

• An army of books were responsible for the Berlin Wall
• The Vatican is actually a giant pop-out book, ages 3 and up (Oh I know, distasteful, but I'm sick in the head and I needed some cheap laughs :P )
• Books can survive nuclear holocausts. Proven fact! (Look up the title of this post)
• The Yellow Brick Road was not made of brick, it was made of phone books. (Still a book :P )
• Nuclear weapons are being gradually replaced by copies of Sarah Palin's book, Going Rogue
• Books can eliminate the existence of such terrible programming such as Jersey Shore 
• McDonald's uses old Stephen King books for their McBurger Patties, McNuggets, McFlurries, and all the other McShit that comes out of that McHell Hole. Have some fun with your McHeart Attack!
• Books did not have sexual relations with that woman!
• The Red Sea was parted by a wall of books
• Chuck Norris reads books (or books read Chuck Norris, whatever floats your boat)

Well, maybe it's good to read books?

Yeah, read some books.

King of Wishful Thinking

So this blog got a shout out during class today! The picture in this post was used for Mac's lecture-theory thing that she loves to do. Good job, blog!

Basically, the picture represents what we know and not know. The written stuff is what we know, while the empty spaces on the board hold the details that we should explore. Cool stuff, eh?

Speaking of cool stuff, my favorite artist/musician/actor/whatever as of late, Matt Doyle, used an awesome site called Kickstarter to help start up his first EP album! Honestly, I'm extremely excited! I love all the music that he makes, and frankly, I'm getting tired of ripping his concert clips from Youtube to put into my iPod! He made a goal of raising $8,500 and he met this on the first day! There's still 29 more days to go to raise more money, and I've already chipped in. The guy deserves it, so good on him! I hope everything works out well for the fellow! He's got a very remarkable backstory as well, and you can check out his blog here or donate to the project here.

That's enough advertising for one post! On another note, today finished up what was the first week of rehearsal for The Scottish Play. Tons of fun! Swords, songs, witches, oh my! No one has had a limb cut off yet, but seriously, it's looking pretty cool so far!

Butoh

I love the stuff that's being done with the witches! It's some kind of Japanese thing called 'butoh' and its absolutely creepy, especially after today's showing of it! It's some creepy exorcist shit. That, or it looks like a bad case of arthritis. Too good!

Caro and I also wielded our weapons, and its absolutely hilarious watching her work with one! Calling it her 'third leg', watching her use it sometimes is sort of like watching a newborn baby fawn struggling to stand up! Hahaha, just kidding, but someone really needs to get her a shorter weapon!

Of course, Stage Wife and I should get rid of any awkwardness so we can do better for our affectionate scenes, but I'm sure we'll do fine! Hell, we should just stop avoiding it altogether, 'cause then it's way easier for Blueboy and Caro to point fun at it! Maybe we should have Ross and Banquo make out?

Awkward

Improv was quite successful today, in my opinion! The warm-up worked fairly well, and a lot of people were involved. The 'One Voice' game was absolutely brilliant, though! Though poor Sky got lost after a bit, his opening question to our five-headed Jedi made me laugh like a madman. Practically, he asked the question in broken Yoda English, and I totally was not expecting it! It was brilliant! All the other games were very successful as well! I hope all those new folks come back, cause they were great! And I will probably never do any kind of high-pitched primal scream ever again.

I must start memorizing my lines, but I must make sure that I don't end up being insane from overexerting myself! I don't want to end up being like Gary Busey. Never. No Gary Busey for me.

How repulsive.

Festivities and What Not

So my ability to create anything has been deflating for weeks now. Not good. Not good.

I'm a person who takes pride in creativity. Hey, I used to create some wicked projects a few years ago, back when teachers didn't care what a project looked like - as long as it answered their questions. Let me go over some of the memorable creations of those glory days (not really):

• 4' x 4' x 3.5' replica of what I imagined Frankenstein's castle looked like. I used enough hot glue and cardboard to make myself a friggin' house.
• Social Studies 5-piece pyramid thing. I completely forgot what the project was about, but it was a group project that sorta came together. Wonder if Mr. Capitals-of-South-Dakota-and-Alaska still has it?
• Stealing flowers from my mother's flower arrangements and painting them to add to a double sided mailbox. It was for a story about a gossip-loving old woman who loved to garden.
• Amputienne and I's tech theatre project. Spent a good weekend creating models of every theatre light I can remember.
• Grade 8 Religion project, where I pretty much bitched about Burma for thirty minutes.
• The Iron Chef competition in Grade 9 Home Economics! Our group totally raped. The secret ingredient was lemon. Our menu included tomato and herb salad with lemon dressing and supremes, lemon and dill salmon en papillote, and lemon meringue pie. Not bad for a rag tag bunch of kids!

Okay, so those aren't really creative, per se, but they were much more different than what some other folks offered.

Or I was just a fucked up kid. 

Well, whatever the case, I can't spark up that part of my brain again! Some of it is coming back, but only after I watch some kind of creative program or I find an awesome piece of art work. Hopefully this isn't permanent!

On another note, I have this urge to watch Battlestar Galactica. Not the original series, but the 're-imagined- one. Why, you ask? I have always been a sucker for any show/film with a female president/leader. For example, I got into watching 24 after I watched some episodes from season 7, where Allison Taylor was president. There was also that TV show, Commander in Chief, which I could not always catch on television due to my forgetful mind. In BSG's case, this is the president:

Just to garner a response from my Scottish Play stage wife, I shall say this:

Laura Roslin? Honestly? I would.

I will let you interpret that in whatever way you like! ;)

The actress' name is Mary McDonnell. She was also in one of my personal favorite films, Independence Day. Hmm, I guess I'm just a natural fan of sci-fi. That, or I'm still screwed up in the head.

On a less retarded note, my family's famous annual Gathering-of-Thanks is tomorrow. And it's also my parents' twentieth anniversary! We tend to have an over-abundance of food, and this year is no exception. Tons of folks are coming over, so we're practically preparing a whole farm yard of animals for this feast. My house becomes a horror house for someone watching their food intake, so Scottish Play stage wife, STAY AWAY!

Thanksgiving is pretty much the only time of the year where I tell my PETA-loving self to shove it, for I turn into a savage Neanderthal that will eat anything that I see. We have the usual trinity of turkey, roast beef, and ham, along with some epic sides. Of course, there will be the staple cultural dishes to whet the appetites of our guests, and I'm sure that they will be bringing their own food. Oh! And the desserts! By everything that's good and holy, a perfect dessert will make me purr like a walrus, like those croissants that Mac brought in for our class yesterday! Did anyone catch where she bought them from?

Woop woooo wooo wooop.....

My mouth is watering as a type this. Well, at least I hope it's from typing this up. I hope it's not some kind of salivary disorder. That would be very unfortunate.

I miss my old convection oven. I made a perfect roast in that thing, but we don't have one in this house! Sad face! Convection makes baking and roasting so enjoyable! The roast that I made this one time was like eating a piece of heaven - if heaven was a delicious cow and if eating angels was legal. But thanks to the "SEE-EYE-EH", this ain't happening.


Well, that wraps up this post. Thanks for listening to my random rabbling!

And enjoy your Day of Providing Thanks!

(Unless you're in America. You'll have to wait until November. Or you can celebrate two Thanksgivings. Double the mega-caloric intake!)

Hence, Sky, Hence!

So the cast has finished the reading for The Scottish Play!

Some ups and downs, but it was very enjoyable and exciting, at the very least!

Firstly, I finally got to do my favorite scene in the entire play: the banquet and Banquo's ghost. Suffice it to say, I may have went a little overboard with the "HENCE HORRIBLE SHADOW, UNREAL MOCKERY, HENCE" shenanigans, but I felt that it suited the event! Heck, it was even met with some gigglesI actually thought I was having Mel Gibson moment, the only difference being that the woman that I was screaming at wasn't recording it. If that were the case, that would be highly unfortunate for me.

I noticed that I go into a semi-fetal position when I'm in the zone whilst I act. While I was roaring Shakespearean terms at the ghost of Banquo, I continued to hunch over until my knees had practically fused with my diaphragm. If the scene went on longer, I'm sure I would have metamorphosized into an actual fetus. No, seriously, I would have shed most of my 17 years of life and turned into a fetus.

I finally got to do that scene with Sky (Elmo) that I was really looking forward to! My happiness with the situation can be expressed as thus:

The scene in question is an exchange between Macbeth and a messenger, who has come to inform him that a very unnatural event is occurring. Macbeth becomes very angry and distraught, and some of this is pushed towards the messenger.

Now, for many of you who are not familiar with him, Sky is probably one of the sweetest kids ever. Ever. Tons of people thought I was a crazy paedophile when I would pretty much praise the fella, but now, they've fallen for his bewitchment as well! Honestly, I would not be surprised if Sky was actually some kind of uber-powerful sorcerer. Anyways, his voice is the big reason for all of this! It's very unique, to say the least. It's high (almost cartoonish), slow, and confident with a very peculiar accent that no one can put their finger on. He told me that he's French, Irish, Mohawk, and probably 4 other races, which explains the accent.

Anyways, our scene turned out to be very enjoyable! We absolutely contrasted each other, but I think it worked great! It's a good thing that I took the opportunity to get to know him a little bit, so at least there's some connection. We were walking down the hallway after, and he said (in the same, high voice) that he was spooked by some of the dialogue that we had! He is simply too awesome!

Oh, and the day before, there was a line in the play where "Beelzebub" is mentioned. Suddenly, he and Blueboy started to sing the corresponding part of "Bohemian Rhapsody". I was awestruck. His sheer awesomeness is unrivaled.

Blueboy even said that he almost burst with joy.

I also received some very positive and awesome comments from a certain person, which made me a very happy individual! So for that, thanks!

My excitement cannot be contained! In fact, I took to storing this 'excitement' in giant space stations, but some Imperials stole my station, called it a "Death Star", and used my 'excitement' to destroy planets. Not good. Not good.

Of Banquets and Banquo

So it was quite an exciting and interesting "Meet the Cast" session today!

First off, Mac apparently believes that Best Friend (who plays a female Banquo in the play, by the way) and I have major 'sexual tension.' We absolutely believe its from the fact that we are best friends of the opposite gender, which seems to be an enigma of a concept that few can comprehend! It makes as much sense as the following:

"You're like the coffee without the omelet."

Mac could just be a hormone-driven sex-beast preying on poor and innocent children, such as myself, after all. Such undesirables do not benefit the clean and mature environment that I flourish in! There are other roles for these libido-loving leeches of innocence!

Anyways, I'm just kidding! I'm probably so corrupt and toxic that I could work for BP, but that's for another day. Best Friend and I both found it pretty hilarious that Mac thinks like that!

On a related note, the stage veterans of this play were given newcomers to 'adopt', in a mentor-like capacity, I suppose. As a veteran with some previous experience, I was given three 'children' to 'adopt'. I wanted to adopt some ethnic babies, but frickin' Madonna and Angelina Jolie got all the coloured kids.

Anyways,  the three children I got seem pretty cool (and I already think one of them is absolutely awesome). Two of them are people I'm not familiar with, and they don't seem like the loud type (unlike myself). I've got to make sure that they are comfortable in the environment, especially considering the fact that it's dominated by people like Seyton/Satan and Medic! Those two are catalysts of chaos! Once they've settled down, I'm sure they can be very social towards everyone. The third fella, who I'll call Elmo due to his awesome/unique voice and his love of puppetry, is awesome! I met him during club day, and his personality is very engaging and cool. I can't wait to work with him, and he doesn't seem like a shy person!

Of course, I'll make sure to give them the most help in the acting department; with lines and actions and such. I'm there at every rehearsal, so I'll see them all anyways. I've heard I do very well in that department, according to Lady Duff.

In the words and actions of Blueboy: "I'm so excited!!!"

Cramps and Curses

So as you can see from my previous post, I am in a production of Macbeth. What you may or may not know that a superstitious stigma is attached to performing Macbeth.


"The Curse of the Scottish Play" explores the idea that Shakespeare used actual lines from an actual incantation from actual witches in one of the scenes of Macbeth (I couldn't put in another 'actual' in there). Then, some real witches who watched the play we're pretty ticked off by the use of the incantation, so they put a curse on the play, where uttering it's name in a theatre or making direct references to its characters will bring bad luck. The only witch alive is Joan Rivers, but she seems to have forgotten this section of her mischievous past.

What does this have to do with anything? Well, since auditioning for the play, I've been stricken with some minor annoyances:

• The day after the audition, I felt sick during the later hours of school. I thought I had caught a cold, but it was actually from a cookie that I ate during Period II. This is why I don't like to eat sugar in the mornings, especially on school days!
• The day that the cast list went up, remnants of a previous week's cold had reared it's ugly head. The mucus factories in my body exploded as my allergies came to haunt me once again.
• The next day, I was ready to get up from bed, but I felt that a pillow (which somehow made its way to my feet) had been barely hanging on the edge. I tried to pull it up with my left foot, but I accidentally gave myself a terrible cramp in my calf.
• The day after that, the same pillow was teasing me once again. Remembering my previous experience, I used my right foot this time, only to receive that same cramp once again. This one was worse, and as of this posting, some of the cramping is still there. Sigh.

Hopefully, nothing else bad happens. I don't want all those leaves in the theatre to burn it down, or have a giant lizard tear apart our building. This is why I need a Garchomp:

I know. I'm obsessed.

 I'll start to carry my charm around, just to make sure I've got some luck on my side.

That, or I need to find a rabbit and rip it's feet off with my teeth.

That's how you do it, right?

I will surprise your castle.

Sorry, Sideshow Mel.

Blueboy, you may know what the title of this post is referring to! If not, you will soon!

So, the cast list for my school's production of Macbeth went up today. I got a pretty fair role. It's the one that Homer was playing in the above picture.

If you're not familiar with The Simpsons, then:

1. Shame on you.
2. I got the role of Macbeth, since you may not have inferred it from that image.
3. Shame on you.

And the casting is very exciting! A lot of new names! Some of the roles were reversed in terms of gender (Banquo, for example)! Oh, and female Banquo's son, Fleance, and I are ethnically-similar! Time to break out an episode of Maury.

Now begins the best part of the entire process: basically everything leading up the shows! Be it designing, rehearsing, reading, eating, long days, etc., it's all absolutely awesome! In the case of this play, I happen to have a large workload, so I'll be present in every rehearsal. All the more fun, but I'll need to make sure to STOP PROCRASTINATING about my work in other subjects. I don't want to get frazzled!

I'm way too excited for this. I'm already working on key monologues and soliloquies. My insanity has also led me to re-read the entire play, picturing everyone in their roles. This is probably very stupid of me, as we aren't necessarily following the confines of the play. Oh, and for some reason, I lose my terrible habit of rushing words when I speak in ye olde English, so this stuff works!

Now, I also need to put some of my time and attention to improv, which is set to start next week! The same day that the 'Meet the Cast' of the play occurs! This will be a good year for my artsy-fartsy side, which has already practically pushed aside my aspirations for a medical career!

On a side note, I asked my mother (whose name is Cynthia) if I could borrow her Garchomp. She nonchalantly said "Okay." I will ignore any sarcasm and I will go by my belief that she either has a Garchomp or is the real Cynthia, champion of Sinnoh. Either one will suffice.

The Invention Cycle

James Lipton: "IMPROV!"

So I'm set to start off improv next week. I'll try not to verbally castrate anyone; I'm not a fan of such tomfoolery!

Anyways, I've been tasked with creating a makeshift to-do list to clear through the Mac. Yes, I see the oxymoron in a to-do list for improv, but it's better to go in there organized than a complete mess!

Here's what I came up with so far:

• Create a Horcrux (or multiple ones) in the unfortunate event that I am obliterated by a phaser.
• Capture the MSN butterfly in order to use it as our mascot.
• Feed some 'delicious' durian to Bex.
• I MUST FIND THE ALLSPARK!
• Survive Order 66. Period.
• Get myself my own Garchomp.

Wow. I'm retarded.

Cynthia's Garchomp seems like a good lover.

Well, some ideas that are floating in the air include actual cuts this year. I don't necessarily feel that having people come and go would be good for the team. This is mainly geared towards grade 11's and 12's, as Mac plans on introducing grade 10's as she finds them. However, I'm a lenient guy, and awesome improvisers might show up part-way through the year. Besides, having a concise team makes it better.

Another thing I'll need to do is talk more grade 11's back into the team this year. We had some epically awesome people last year, but the scheduling often conflicted with their interests. I'll need to personally approach them, because who can't resist my charm? ;)

Honestly though, maybe some reasoning with them will help! I'm fairly diplomatic, after all!

Diplomacy achieves results!

Most importantly, though, I want us to be good enough to have frequent shows! More shows equals more publicity! Considering we're just starting off, I would like to have a show up for Halloween (speaking of which, I need to get my Jedi costume)! It was pretty darn spectacular last year, but I'll take a look into whether or not choir is doing something again. If so, that's alright. If not, more improv!

So that's my preliminary to-do list for improv. I also need to get that elusive Director's binder, but I don't want to seem overbearing :P

Tour Guides

It's a Shinx!

So what do scissors, cousins, cutting, Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson, Shinx and Egypt have in common? For a lot of people, it may have no connection whatsoever.

However, those were the ingredients for one of the funniest hour-and-a-halves (is that correct?) I have ever experienced in my school life!

Firstly, my dear drama teacher was having a discussion with us, when an adorable slip of the tongue turned the word "cut" into a similar word that adds "n" in between the "u" and "t". Probably the most offensive word in the English language. In other words, it 'cuts' deep (HAHAHA MAC!)

 If you're an innocent-minded individual, congratulations! I envy you! Don't look up that word on any computer other than your own, or God help you, the scourge of Gloria Allred and a female Jesse Jackson will bellow at you with the all-familiar "That is our word"! I hope you know the social ramifications of the word, so keep your mouth zipped!

If you're a tainted, corrupted person like myself, I send you my condolences. Dante, Virgil and I will greet you for your own personal tour of hell. Hitler will be doing his Charlie Chaplin impersonation routine every week at 10 pm at the Hell branch of Best Western.

So yeah, that made me laugh a lot! Honestly, I'm retarded like that! I laugh at the simplest mistakes, and I stretch it out like no one's business! I will probably be cracking jokes about it during tomorrow's class!

The next thirty or so minutes of class after the discussion caused my diaphragm to practically disintegrate from all the laughter that I would endure!

One of the most funny and unique individuals on this earth, who we will call Medic, was doing a presentation for Egypt with his group. Yes, a generic talk about history and culture of a country we have all heard about. Documentaries about Egypt are like the alarm clocks of our TV world, waking us up from our favorite shows and giving us the big F-U. It's almost like a pest. Almost! The real pests are reality shows. Anyways...

Beautiful, but I also infect the Discovery Network when anything is unearthed!

If you don't know Medic, he is one of the funniest - if not the funniest - people to grace us! I get a major kick from everything he says, even if most of it does not make sense!

I would love to recite the entire presentation, but I feel that it wouldn't do the humour any justice. You just had to be there, though I would like to mention some highlights of the 'routine':

• The Nile River is pretty much all of Egypt. Egypt is just a sandbar.
• The Scorpion King is the king of scorpions. He is also The Rock.
• The Shinx of Giza evolves into a bigger Shinx with a pyramid on its head (Pokemon reference)
• That Pharaoh-beard thing is basically a phallus on the face.
• The Museum of Egyptian Antiquities calls 'dibs' on everything.
• Hat-shet-sup? Hat-chet-zup? Hat-cha-cha? Ketchup?

But yes, it may not seem funny in writing, but only Medic could pull it off! I was literally laughing the entire time! Mind you, when I laugh, I go into some kind of primal mode where I start to sound like a cross between a human and a banshee.

I am actually laughing just typing this up! We'll take advantage of this when improv starts up!

I also laughed at some other issue concerning "You can't", but that's for another day and another blog post!

So for now, I'll send you off by telling you to go to Egypt. Oh, and take Medic along as your tour guide. It'll practically be like Disneyland on crack, but in Egypt and with a crap-load of graves.


Oh, and just for kicks. Shinx (and it's evolutionary line) are one of my favorite Electric Pokemon. Except Pikachu. Pikachu is absolutely sick.

All That's Known

So I realize I actually haven't had a very serious blog post as of late; maybe I'll do just that!

I'm sort of debating whether or not I should learn (or practice) a new ability, language, or skill. I'm assuming that this sudden change is coming from the fact that I haven't had much mental stimulation as of late, so I need something to fill that void.

My first option would be for me to learn a new, preferably French. I've had French classes before, and I've done pretty well in them. A new language would be a lot of work, but it would also be incredibly helpful in the future! More languages equals more opportunities, I'd say! My procrastination could get the best of me if I choose this route.

One of my awesome friends told me to practice singing, though I'm not a singer! Yes, I do love my music, and I've had a musical past, but singing would be a whole 'nother dimension! Oh, I'm one of those people who recoil at the idea of singing in public, but maybe I should get rid of that impulse, eh? Everyone's gotta take risks eventually, right? And my singing voice is nothing to marvel at, either! But it could probably get better with practice.

It's been a long time since I've written any kind of poetry or prose, but I'd say I'm fairly decent at it. I know it's a great way to get my mind going, even though it's not a new skill, so to say. If I do that, I'd just be refining the ability to write.

There's also one of my favorite - but time consuming - choices: impersonations! I used to be quite good at some of them, but then I just stopped out of the blue. I lost some skill, but I would like to start building it up again. My end goal is to master the voices of most of the Muppets! Watch out, Kermit!

Oh skills, skills, skills. Would I be better with a repertoire of new skills, or with a sharply-honed set of abilities?

Charging Head-first

So club day at school appeared to be successful; some new faces and some pretty unique things happening. 


Unique being an understatement!


Firstly, I was the representative for my school's improv club (of which I am now it's czar), so I had the awesome chance to meet the people who would want to join. Some of the people were other folks in drama but surprisingly, there was quite a number of grade tens who signed up. Of course, its possible that they won't even show up, signing the sheet because they simply wanted me to shut up. That, or my inescapable charm caught hold of them and shook their bodies like a maraca-playing Michael J. Fox in a mariachi band (I know, cruel! Too soon?).


The set-up was a tad bit hectic, though. Being oh-so-true to improv, we came in unprepared! I went ahead and ran into the drama change rooms to grab anything that could lure any simple-minded, childish individual to my booth: Elton John glasses, felt hats, pilons, bullhorns, handcuffs, etc. Weirdly enough, the only simple-minded, childish individual who had a ball with my hastily-put-together collection of things was a curly haired, loud, university-teaching, coffee-loving, Polish math teacher. I wanted to check her Starbuck's cup to see if she was drinking coffee, baby formula, or whiskey.


But the most memorable moment came when a fellow student (and improv club member), who I call "Blueboy", got up to make a short, 30-second statement advertising the club. He had already done this before, sharing a fairly tame explanation of the club and it's 'mission', so to say. The second time around the block was insane, and I should have saw it coming!


Basically, he got up and grabbed the mic. Suddenly, he belted a Lord of the Rings Gondorian call to arms, sounding like Braveheart (had Braveheart been castrated alive while giving his famous speech). Right then, everything went mute and I remember laughter and my face being cemented in the following position:

Taylor Swift - Kanye West, anyone?

While I looked like I was about to suffer a grand mal, perhaps brought on by the assortment of colourful hats that I surrounded myself with, this is what I saw while Blueboy was talking:

Yes, he was breathing fire and his arm turned into a blade forged from obsidian by a team of migrant Filipino workers. Yes, his eyes were bloodshot and he breathed out dragon fire. Yes, his shirt was a hue of blue that would horrify Death itself.

Well, that's a bit of an exaggeration. Actually, it's a BIG exaggeration. Even the blue shirt isn't true!

I was just shocked from the sheer randomness of the situation that I could not respond in any way! Honestly, I found it to be absolutely hilarious after a while, but I never expected for that to happen (neither did anyone else, I'm sure). It got people's attention, and I bet it will be remembered!

So thanks, Blueboy, for being ever-so shameless in your pitch for improv!

Hey Mac, see what happens when you miss school for a bit?

Today's blog post is inspired by Allie Brosh. Check out Hyperbole and a Half for her awesomely funny work!


EDIT: Blueboy revealed that the speech he recited was the famous Black Gate speech. Tons of fun!

Sea Breeze

So my drama teacher asked what kind of tree I would be if I was one. I'll take the abstract way out of this one:

A CHRISTMAS TREE!!! YAY!

No, the image above is not a Christmas tree. See below.

Besides Christmas being my favorite time of the year, people like to pay attention to me approximately once a year, green is my favorite colour, I have many trinkets like a tree, I can catch on fire, I need something to cover up a less-than-stellar skull and, of course, I'd always have a gift below me that everyone just loves go for - no one is ever patient about the plenty that I have to offer! They just grab and grab at my packages, hoping for a wonderful surprise full of ecstasy and joy. Being the tree, I will deliver; their faces flushed after a day of merriment and Christmas pudding!

Oh wait. That doesn't sound right. SCRATCH THAT! I would not want this man to show up in my kitchen:

Have a seat, sir.

Back to the question: if I was a tree, what species would I be?

I'd have to be a palm tree! I'm very lax and lazy - images that spring to mind when you think of palm tree. I'm also from the tropics, so it makes sense to be that tree. Palm trees are also synonymous with the ocean, and I LOVE the ocean and everything about it. Marine life is awesome! I also tend to drop some weird things onto people's heads, akin to a palm tree dropping its fruit into the ocean and the seed maturing elsewhere! Almost parasitic, but who wouldn't mind a parasite like that!


Oh, and I get mistaken as a Hawaiian at times. (Thanks for the suggestion, Pumpkin Lover!)


I hope that clears up any misconceptions about me and my yearning to be a giant, immobile organism, continuously urinated upon by drunk party-goers!


Life, how sweet it is ;)

Your Junk

So apparently, some classmates unleashed the Pandora's box that is my twitter and blog to my drama teacher! I'm assuming she read the previous post about her junk issue. Rather, my issue with her hoarding!

ROAR!

Here's something to soothe you!


I'd bet a top dollar that considering her trinkets as junk was less than flattering (yet, I'm not exactly a very flattering guy!).This is what Oxford Dictionary classifies as 'junk':


junk
noun
* informal old or discarded articles that are considered useless or of little value
* informal heroin
* the lump of oily fibrous tissue in a sperm whale's head, containing spermaceti


Don't worry Mac! I don't consider your collection of memorabilia as "useless or of little value." On the contrary, I have as much junk as you! Besides, by 'junk' I was referring to your collection of sperm whale tissue! Any adventurer can have heroin, but the best have sperm whale tissue!


Good thing you cleaned your office! I was going to do it for you sooner or later! Nicely done! Now, so you don't return to that horrendous habit, I will share a video with you:

Oh, I assume Little Korea or Bex showed you my awesome blog without showing you theirs. It's only appropriate that I do it for them! Click the following to see them:

Little Korea's Blog
Bex's Blog

To Little Korea and Bex: suck on that, bitches! ;)

I can't think of a good closing line, so I'll quote a line from Spring Awakening:


"Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah"

My Junk

I've been doing an absurd amount of writing this week! Unfortunately, it wasn't in the blog (sorry for the wait!) - it was in a journal for drama class. I've got nothing else to do on a one hour bus ride every day :(
Some of the entries are interesting and funny! I might make a compilation of them in a future blog post.

Anyways, I have my Spring Awakening soundtrack now. Yes, it's a litt---- oh wait.

For those of you who don't know me, I'm a theatre person; drama douche; whatever you call it. I hope you don't get too shocked if I talk about some random play or musical! In addtion to this, I've got soundtracks to RENT, Les Miserables and Wicked and I'm trying to get the one from Bare: A Pop Opera! I'm such loser. Now, back to what I was saying:

Yes, it's a little weird to see someone like me - a large, dark-tan coloured, weirdly dressed fellow - to be listening to that, or getting the soundtrack for that matter. But Spring Awakening is an awesome musical, especially for those who don't like musicals! Even though it's no longer in production in Broadway, a US Tour begins in October, or you can still get that soundtrack! It's got a very modern feel to it, contrary to a stereotypical musical that us simpletons can conjure up in our minds. If you don't know much about the musical and need more convincing, it's a Tony Award winner!

That's my suggestion for today!

Now, on to another topic: Junk!

My drama teacher knows how much I hate useless junk or, at the very least, too much useful junk. I pretty much chastise her about it everyday, as she likes to collect things as much as a food-starved bear prowls for food in a Vegas buffet. Funny thing is: I have my own collection of random charms.

In fact, I don't like to toss things out. I always get this weird, ominous feeling that if I throw a random worksheet from two years ago out, I might get some wicked career offer garnering me a six-digit salary in exchange for that sheet! Okay, I'm over-exaggerating, but I'm sure you get what I'm saying!

Mr friend gave me a sea shell from her trip to California. Though its only a shell from a plethora that she was offering, I seem to think of it as some kind of protective talisman or good-luck charm. So now it has found a place with my amethyst crystals and pennies. I actually held on to it for hours one day, just because I had endowed it with so much ridiculous strength. Oddly enough, I did the same thing today to a bottle of hydrocortisone acetate.

HYDROCORTISONE ACETATE? Don't worry, it's not bad at all. It's for this fucked up pigmentation on my nose. It came up after I had a sneezing fit in August for days, and after some attempts at clearing it with home remedies, it simply got darker. Doctor gave me that hydro-whatever and it's already getting a bit lighter.

Funny no one mentioned it at school! I'll bet a unicorn that everyone's too shy to ask! If you are, just ask!

Heck, I'll even bet a bearicorn that you might be shy to ask! Everyone likes bearicorns!